coup de foudre

a pretty dark haired girl on her bike, stops you at the corner, asks you very shyly, very politely, in german, if you know a street called... ? and you will tell her shyly, very politely, in german, that you don't know it, but you are also trying to find out where it is.

so you make the kind of small talk on the way that your second language just about allows you to make, and when you get to the door, you discover that she is austrailian, and she discovers you re english-american, and both of you will find it hilarious, that you were speaking german .

you meet the bartenders. you meet the other performers. everyone is ever so friendly. as you wait for things to begin, you fall into conversation with someone, then you fall into conversation with someone else, its relaxed, it's pleasant. you feel lady-like in four inch heels, a black lace and chiffon cocktail dress. you take a sip of your glass of wine, light your cigarette and...and..

who, who are you talking to?
what, what are you talking about?
you were talking about... what? where? iceland?!?

nod, pretend to follow along...

who was that?

maybe you are talking about brazil? or no, it was about how you can't write a novel, don't have the stamina and...

who was that? where has he gone?

yes you have been doing sooo much performing lately. you're really thrilled about the summer

he's back. he's sitting down.

now you're taking to some girl about poetry, no maybe you're talking about literature, don't you remember that you met her before? it was in the fall, at that english bookstore...? don't you remember? no... i mean of course.. yes.

he's sitting next to you.

that one... him.

the first sentences he says float high into the air over your head.

are you performing?

are you performing tonight?

you say....

yes...

he says...

well ... be sure to be entertaining..

and when you're on, you're still enraged by that comment. how could he be so patronising??!! now you...you are a full blown unadulterated cabaret act. all singing and fireworks. if you were a musical, there would be a chorus line of dancing girls waving jazz hands.

and he will have no idea, that it is all because...of him.