sight-seeing

My boyfriend collects hearts...

.

Or rather, he takes photos of hearts. He's always finding hearts in random places. He says its easy to find them. He says once you start looking, you begin to see them everywhere.

After we began seeing one another, I began to notice them too. Now whenever I go to a new city, I see them. They pop up in strange places. And he's right, once you keep an eye out, they do begin to appear everywhere.

..

It makes for a very different kind of sight seeing.

Speaking of sight seeing, my parents are in town. Last summer when they were here, Mum wanted to go into the Berliner Dom

But my father and I took issue with the principle of a cathedral charging admission, so we didn't go. I like churches (even though I'm not at all religious) and I love cathedrals. My grandfather always loved them too, even though he was an atheist.

When I was growing up, every summer my parents and I would visit my family in London. When i was little we'd always go sight seeing. When I was about eight, we (my mum, dad and grandpa) went to St Pauls cathedral

.

My grandfather was about eighty then I think. Somehow we lost my parents. We were looking up at the dome. We decided we wanted to go up there. Or maybe i decided i wanted to go up there, and my grandfather was happy to go up with me. As we were climbing up the stairs, my grandfather told me about the whispering gallery.

He said if you stood on one side of the dome, and the person you were with stood at the other side, you could whisper against the wall, and the sound of your voice would travel around to them . We went up and tried it. it felt so magical. Its one of the fondest memories of my grandfather I have. We went back down. My parents were shocked we had gone up to the top. I guess they thought I was too young, and he was too old, for all those stairs.

Today began fragile. I was painfully hungover from last night. As far as the day ahead with my parents was concerned, all I wanted was for everything to go smoothly. I asked mum if she wanted to go to the Berliner Dom. I reminded her how much she wanted to go last year. My father and I did not complain about paying admission.

As we walked into the center of the cathedral, my head tilted back, and I looked up into the stained glass above in the dome

.

There was nowhere to stand up there, I guess you couldn't walk up to it.

"It reminds me of st pauls" mum said..

My dad and I walked up a level, where there was a small museum. Then there were more stairs. My dad seemed bored of the cathedral by now. I told him I'd go up and check out the next level.

I walked up but there were just more stairs, and more stairs. My head was still woozey with my hangover, but for some reason I kept going. I finally saw a window above, where passing silhouettes broke up the sunlight pouring through. and then i understood. You could go up to the top of the dome, but outside rather than inside. Now all I could think about was getting up there.

There were a lot of stairs. I mean. A LOT of stairs...and little doorways, and narrow turns. You could feel the exhaustion of everyone in front and behind of you walking. It created a bond between all these strangers . Some people would take breaks and stand to the side. Doors would be held open for you as you walked ahead. Low overhangs were pointed out. By the time I reached the top, it was as if we had all achieved something together.

I looked over this city I've grown to love so much. I took a moment and paused to take it in, slowly walked around to the other side of the dome.

I thought of my grandfather and I walking up to the top of St. Pauls.

I thought about all those summers I spent with my parents sight seeing.

I thought about showing my boyfriend around Berlin last summer.

I thought of him returning the favour, and showing me parts of London I'd almost forgotten.

I thought about sending him a text right then saying...

"On top of a cathedral in Mitte, looking over Berlin, thinking of you..." .

I took out my phone.

But just as I flipped it open to write, I looked out from where I stood, and miles down on the ground below me, I saw it....